In Chanda’s work on “The Double Edge of
Globalization”, he points out that expanded
international trade, which contributes to urbanization and economic growth,
leads to environmental destruction. I do not totally agree with the idea. In my opinion, instead
of expanded international trade, the lack of global awareness is the root cause
of environmental degradation.
I cannot deny that intensified international
trade encourages consumption and causes the loss of forest cover worldwide. For
instance, according to Chanda, the environmental organization Greenpeace
estimates that more than 2.5 million acres of tropical forest have been cleared
by China in recent years to increase the demand for soybeans for other
countries. However, I think the root cause of this phenomenon is not the trade
but the lack of awareness. The nations choose to destroy the environment rather
than using any other ways for their own economic benefits. It reveals that they
fail to realise long-term conservation of environment is much important than
short-term benefits.
Chanda points out that global
warming has the potential to shrink the global economy and paralyze the world. Indeed,
this is an indisputable fact. However, many countries are still willing to wreak
havoc on the global environment to maximize their outputs and profits. It shows
us that the lack of awareness drives them to act without prudent consideration.
:)
ReplyDeleteOne language issue: I not totally agree
Hi Foo Eng!
ReplyDeleteGreat job on the reader response! Here are our comments:
Content
•You have successfully summarised Chandra’s idea on global awareness and have given your input on his idea. However, we feel that you may be lacking in providing your own opinion on the idea. Maybe you could, spent some time and present some original ideas – what are your opinions about global awareness? Any experiences?
•You have clearly answered your thesis statement. Good job!
•Remember to cite Chandra according to APA style citation -> Chandra (2007)
Organisation
•You did a good job at focusing on global awareness. You have fairly connect the topic to you’re own opinion.
•You had excellent points but your response was a tad too long and exceeded the word limit of 150-200. Perhaps you could be more concise with your points.
•We feel that the focus of your essay should be slightly shifted towards the trade aspect.
•Your conclusion did not reiterate your main points. Maybe you could have eliminated the part on the development of energy-efficient technology.
Language:
Your essay flowed but your sentence structure could have been better
Syntax :
•“Do not totally agree” -> Do not fully agree
•“…..ameliorated by the global awareness” -> ‘the’ is redundant.
•“in Chanda’s work on “The Double Edge of Globalization” -> In ‘Double edge of globalisation’, Chanda (2007)…..
•‘In my opinion, instead of expanded international trade, the lack of global awareness is the root cause of environmental degradation.’ -> ??? -> Perhaps, delete the part ‘instead of…’ and only keep ‘the lack of global…..’
Grammar:
•“… leads to environmental destruction” - > leading
Fluency & cohesion:
•‘However, I think the root cause of this phenomenon is not the trade but the lack of awareness.’ -> We think that you repeat this too many times. We suggest, to just leave it out, since you’ve already mentioned it in the beginning.
•‘The nations choose to destroy the environment rather than using any other ways for their own economic benefits. It reveals that they fail to realise long-term conservation of environment is much important than short-term benefits.’ – In your second paragraph you have state your point with examples about the soybeans etc, but this sentence conflicts your idea that the trade is not important. I doesn’t really explain about your point of ‘global awareness’ either. Perhaps here you can talk about other example which support ‘global awareness’.
Style:
•‘I cannot deny ….’ - > Does not sound very formal.
It’s good that you give examples and point out your main ideas, but you didn’t really explain ‘why’ and how the examples brings back to the ideas.
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Naz, Sumin, Elizabeth